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excess baggage   
02:32pm 06/06/2011
mood: aggravated
 so after a hint from a friend i thought i would give this a try and start this again. now that most of my time is spent in airports, hotel rooms, and airplanes. 
last night after a disastrous sit in the airport i finally made it to montreal. although the only thing i got to see were the back of my eyes and a view of the airport. i had no energy to go down to the front desk and try to get lost in this city. 
my crew has not been the warmest to me. i dont know if its because im new and there is a hazing period with pilots and flight attendants but ive had enough of your limp wrist comments. 
im staring at this picture in my hotel room, i wonder if it will fit in my bag?
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hello again.   
12:29pm 08/12/2008
mood: groggy
i figured i might as well try to get back into writing in this thing. i was really surprised that i remembered the password.
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11:17am 19/03/2005
  Hey Everyone! Just wanted to say Hi, and let you all know that I miss you all. I miss Kent and The Belt and most of all, the friendships that I had with all of you.  
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09:18pm 08/04/2004
  I'm watching CSI right now... and guess who has a cameo on it? Brian Austin Green, David from 90210. He looks rough now... Must be too much partying with the Corey's from the 80's.

How do I post pics on here? I forget?
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Take my new Quiz   
09:08pm 08/04/2004
  Just click (or copy and paste) this link and you'll be taken to my quiz.
Thinking about someone   
02:19pm 08/04/2004
  I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
HOMO 101   
11:44pm 06/04/2004
mood: happy
Well, after a heated debate last night my mom found those "misplaced" checks. Went to the bank today so I could deposit them so I could get American Eagle off my back.

Went to work and made an astounding $25 dollars. NOT WORTH getting up for. Came home and went car shopping with my mom. On the way to the car lot, she got comfortable with asking some questions about me and my friends in Akron. She just asked why girls hung out with gay bois, what I did when I went out, if I was a transvestite. And then came the questions about Dustin, and if he was the reason I decided to come home was, why we broke up, and if I was okay with it. She about made me cry... cause this who I really needed to talk to when we did break up. She told kept saying "partner" and I kept saying boyfriend. SOOO whenever we talk about boyfriends.... the code word is BarneyBoi... I dunno? Thats my mom for you...

Anyways. Found me a lot of nice cheap cars.... I really want this Gunmetal Gray Focus. Only problem with it is its a stick. And I don't know how to drive a stick.... SO CHARLOTTE OR BRIAN.... would you teach me? Please.... Oh and like I thought would happen. We were going home and we stopped at Arby's and a man came up to our car and told us that the front tire of my rental car is flat... Jesus...so now I have a donut on my nice Malibu.

Watched the Britney concert on Showtime tonight. It was ok. Wish I was her backup dancer. Anyways I think I'm off to bed... gotta work a double tomorrow. Goodnight!
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11:43pm 05/04/2004
mood: cynical
This journal entry goes out to 2 of the greatest fags I know.

Brian and DJ JC SIMON! Thanks you guys for being great bois to know and hang out with...

Brian... thanks for all the groping you put up with...
JC... thanks for the cd and witty comments on the LJ!

So anyways... been looking for a car I keep finding really nice ones... I dread the thought of having to get a piece of shit. Anyways I need to get one. SOON!

Went tanning today. Looking a little like an Island Cabana Boi.

My face is breaking out... Damn drag makeup. Clogging my pores and shiat.

Been trying to get a hold of Derek for 2 days now... hope the bitch is still alive.

Oh... my mom lost my income tax checks. So I have no money to pay for my ticket and American Eagle bill. Gonna have to tap into the Credit Union and get some of that out.

GOODNIGHT everyone.......
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Oh Hum Drum   
11:06pm 04/04/2004
mood: tired
This weekend was a good one. Minus the Britney concert being cancelled.

Went for a pee test for this new job I'm supposed to start on May 10th. (dont know how i feel about this yet). Drove 4 hours to Cleveland to pack up some clothes and wait on Derek to get up there to go to Britney. While I was going through stuff I wouldn't ever wear again and stuff I wanted to take home I noticed that some of my clothes and a pair of sandals have "suddenly disappeared". Called Dustin to find out where the missing items where and FUNNY he doesn't know either. So, I'm over his shady, late ass. I'll get him back for this. Derek got there. Hopped into my car to go to Brit. Heard on the radio that it was canceled. So... we went to Tower City were it was a really good day to be a gay boi and a straight boy. Cause there was nothing but cute girls and gay best friends there, and then to The Hard Rock Cafe and ate dinner with 5000 disappointed Britney friends...The shirt I had on made me look like the last Homo in Cleveland. Went to the Belt afterwards... saw Mama Mackenzie and Jazmyn. Went back to Mac's and slept.

Spent most of the day cleaning Mac's apartment cause it was kinda gross. (Love ya Mama). Lil'Josh and I watched porn. We both got all hot and bothered. Rachel bought me 151 and Derek came down and we got drunk. Went to The Belt got the cd... WAS SOOOO HORNY!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed everyones penis, touched everyones ass, boobs, groped on Jill's ass. MESS!!

Saturday: Slept all damn day. Went fabric shopping with Mac and Ty. Jill came over and waxed my eyebrows... GIRLL THEY LOOK GOOD. She did my hair before I had to drive Ty over to get ready... I'm glad I have found a NEW hairstylist... Thanks Jill. Went to out. I was the DD last night. While dancing with Johneric I pulled something in my back and was in pain all night. Got ready to go home and Mackenzie... that bitch was sooo drunk... she ran outside across the street to the parking lot, slipped and fell in da mud... I cackled for at least 10 mins before she finally got up....Bitches she kept falling and was rolling in da mud..... Cackle. Went to Sheetz. Johneric came over and left tooo early this morning...

And the phrase of the night came from Mackenzie....
(to someone): You ain't nothing but a Goddamned In-Law, using my daughter like shes the last coin-operated pony ride in the Kmart SuperCenter. ROFL!

Mackenzie made my pants for The White Party... All I can say is I need to tan a lot before my ass goes out Saturday. Anyways... I made it back to Russellville, start back to Tumbleweed tomorrow... hope I make me some dollars.

Night all!!!!
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04:41am 04/04/2004
  All i got to say is Mackenzie in da MUDDDDDDDDDD!!!

That bitch slipped and fell running across the damn road. Slipped. Fell. and all I heard was SPLAT!
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This is me...Now   
03:48pm 31/03/2004
mood: hopeful
JACK: Mom?

JUDITH: Jack... Honey, I'm worried. You haven't said a thing about my bangs.

JACK: They're a little short, but they'll grow in. Mom, uh, I have something I want to say to you. Um... I've kept this from you for a long time, and--and that's wrong, because it makes it seem like I'm ashamed of something I'm not ashamed of. I want-- I want you to know who I am because I'm proud of who I am. Mom... Are you wearing Chloe?

WILL: Jack.

JACK: Mom, I'm gay.


GRACE: Judith... [GRACE PUTS HER ARM AROUND JUDITH] It's ok. So he's gay. He's still the same little boy who gave you highlights for the first time.

KAREN: I think you're missing the silver lining here. When you're old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting.

JACK: Mom, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but... this is who I am.

JUDITH: You could never disappoint me. I just want you to be happy. Looking back on it... There have been clues. When you were a child, you were overly fond of the nursery rhyme "Rub-a-dub-dub, 3 men in a tub." And you do have a lot of flamboyantly gay friends. I mean, look at Will. No matter what, Jack... You're what I'm most thankful for in the whole world. [JUDITH AND JACK HUG. WILL, GRACE, AND KAREN START LEAVING TO GIVE THEM PRIVACY.]

I told my mom that I was gay today. It took place over the phone, not the best way to handle it. But it happened. It basically went like this.
Neil: I don't want to stay here forever.
Mom: I don't know why youre not happy here?
N: B/C I can't be me.
M: Neil I know.
N: Know what?
M: I know your secret.
N: The reason I kept that from you is because I knew you wouldn't approve of me.
M: I love you, and there is nothing that I would not do for you.
N: Well then, I really don't want to take this job.

So now its offical... I'm out to my mom.
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Kicked out and Car Wreck,   
01:08am 30/03/2004
mood: lethargic
The weekend started out good, Went out Friday. Met up with Johneric and Derek. Drove Mac's drunk ass home. Got up on Saturday went to Tower City with the girls. Then saw my bitches at my American Eagle. Bought some clothes. Came back. Talked to my mom. Got drunk on Bahama Mama. Met up with Johneric again. Danced all night. Got Sheetz. Sunday. FOUGHT WITH MOM, saw Charlotte, went out as Makayla.

As some of you know, my mother and I have been fighting over something so fucking petty and stupid.

Lets start at the beginning.
When I came back from Cleveland. I needed to get a job in order to pay bills and continue paying rent on the apartment I planned on going back to. So my mom asked around and I filled out an application for The Federal Reserve. I would be processing checks that need to be sent out to banks. But I never heard from them and I took a serving job. Well, I guess that they needed to fill some more positions or something cause I get a call, my mom schedules me an appointment (without my knowledge) and then tells me that I have to be home to go to it. Well, I don't want this job. Sure it has benefits and stuff, but its not something that I want to do. I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL and get that shit over with.

Well, this weekend my mom called me on Saturday to tell that on Monday I had to get a piss test and get fingerprinted for the Federal Reserve job. Well, I tell her I don't want the job, and that I like being a server. She proceeds to tell me that if I don't take it to get the hell out of her home and that she is taking me off her car insurance and canceling my cell phone on Monday. Well, to make a long story short, I left Mac's house today at 11 to come home and get my shit out of my moms house. I started getting tired and less then 5 minutes from my home, I doze off, wake up, swerve to miss a truck, hit the truck 2 times. I get out of my car, and just freak, I hit an old man in a truck. My car is totaled and I probably should be dead. It's that tore up. I have never been so scared in my life. I called my mom on my cell phone (that wasn't cut off yet) and she comes and just hugs me. I'm a fucking wreck at this time and can't stop. I love my mom with all my heart but, she drives me crazy. I had to go to the ER because my neck was hurting. I didn't get an x-ray because I don't have health insurance. So God only knows if something bad is really wrong with me. While lying in the ER bed, my Aunt comes to be with my mom, and she calls my dad. Who calls his sister, who calls the ER asking for me, the nurse gives my mom the phone.... Jesus I'll just say it. My aunt doesn't even ask if I'm okay. THEN my dad calls, Doesn't ask how I am, just asks how the car is. JESUS CHRIST.

I am very lucky. I realize that I should never hang up the phone or leave a persons home angry or pissed off. Which is what my mom and I had done. If this was to happen to me again, I don't think that I would be so lucky. I don't know how I just walked out of this accident like I did. I guess the "Big Guy" upstairs does have plans for me.

Well, its off to some sleep and car shopping tomorrow. Hopefully, I will make it to the Britney show on Thursday. Thank you guys in Akron for calling me and asking how I was. I guess you guys are my family.
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10:28pm 21/03/2004
mood: chipper
So I just thought that I would update this thing since I am at Mac's house. And let you all know that I'm sorry that I haven't been a very good LJ member. Anyways.
A quick update...

Worked at Cedar Point for the summer.
Got kicked dismissed from Kent.
Moved to Cleveland with a boyfriend.
Went to a small Fashion College in Cleveland.
Broke up with the boyfriend.
Moved back to Russellville with the family.
Been coming back to Akron to visit with my friends up here.
Ohhh and the shocker of them all....I have been going out in drag. Pics coming soon.

Alright thats enough of a post for tonight. I will try to update more when I have more substantial things to talk about.
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12:41pm 19/06/2003
  Thank you everyone that wished me a Happy 19th Birthday. It really made me all happy inside. Thanks and BIG Hugs and Kisses to you!  
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12:01pm 17/06/2003
  There are times in my life where I wish I had someone famous to sing to me. Today it would have to be Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday" to me. Cause thats what today is.

Go shorty, its MY birthday....
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yay I love Emmet   
11:33pm 07/05/2003
  you are emmett honeycutt!
This Mississippi native is out, proud and fabulous. With his see-through tops,
and shame-resistant slacks, Emmett has to be voted the "Most-Likely-To-Stop-Traffic"
on Liberty Avenue. But if you look beyond his queerliscious wardrobe and witty repartee,
this "retail queen" is also a man of integrity and an observer of human nature
who truly enjoys offering advice to anyone who needs it, whether they ask for it or not.

---- copy ----

find your queer
as folk personality

---- stop copy ----
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03:59am 01/05/2003
mood: uncomfortable
I had this ready to post last night when I got in from Cocktails but the damn thing erased on me. So here it goes.

Well Gay Prom is tomorrow and I'm taking Emily. YAY! I have a date. Even though my original boi date couldn't take me. I am going to have fun. Cause thats what I need before I go back home.

So I'm still not for sure what I am doing about summer. I was all excited about going to Cedar Point and working. I am just beginning to think that it might be a bad idea. Cause already I am seeing changes in people. If I go back home I can have off the entire week and just work weekends. So that means money and coming up and spending a week in Akron every once and a while this summer.

I know these past few days I have been not so much fun to be around, but I'm sorry. I have some issues to work on. And it really bugs me that I feel like I have NO support.

Another week and school will be over. I'm kinda sad. Kinda glad. I started packing up some of my random shit today and there is still a ton of stuff to do before finals week. Sometime I hafta write a paper and study for 4 finals. Jesus.

I wish things could go back to the beginning of March. Before all these emotions started in making 2 people very weird to be around. I'm very sorry that EVERYONE has seen this. I went into this knowing what was going to happen and I got hurt.
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04:03pm 30/04/2003
  Nothing like some free lube and condoms to make me happy.
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02:06pm 30/04/2003
  It's funny 'cause for a while
I walked around with a smile
But deep inside I could hear voices telling me this ain't right
Don't you know it's not for you
I always knew what I had to do
But it's hard to get away
Because I love you
I just tried to stay

I used to say I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And I know inside I'm gonna be alright
I said I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And that voice inside says I'm gonna be alright

Friends of mine say to me
They say you got control over me
You're not alone
I played a part
I saw the way you were from the start
Could I expect so much from you
You had a BOI when I first met you
Did the best that you could do
Now I realize that I can't change you

I used to say I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And I know inside I'm gonna be alright
I said I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And that voice inside says I'm gonna be alright

Said I wouldn't walk away
Somedays I want to stay
But leaving you is what I need to do to be okay
Never thought it would be true
Me livin' without you
But now it's time for me to make a move

I used to say I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And I know inside I'm gonna be alright
I said I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And that voice inside says I'm gonna be alright
Im on the emotional rollercoster.... and the fucker just crashed   
03:18am 29/04/2003
mood: crushed
I really don't have a lot to say right now. Other than that I'm hurt. And very, very, very, confused as to what to do about this summer. I don't know how I feel about going to Cedar Point now. I was only doing this to be closer to someone. Well, thats not all true, but thats a big reason.

Things aren't going to change with me and my friends that I have become so close to. I WILL not push you guys away from me. I just don't think I will be out or over much these next 2 weeks. Partly cause I don't want there to be friction and finals are next week. So don't worry about that.

Tomorrow is another day. And thanks to Dr. Young. Im going to be *HAPPY* tomorrow. Thanks to a little pill called Zanax???

On that note. Its time for a little old school Mariah Carey

You were so blind to let me go
You had it all but didn't know
No one you'll find will ever be
Closer to all your dreams than me
Believing the grass would be greener
You told yourself "I just don't need her now"
But I know you'll soon discover
You're never satisfied with any other

Someday Oo Someday
One you gave away will be the only one you're wishing for
Someday hey hey
Boy you're gonna pay 'cause baby I'm the one who's keeping score

You'll change your mind and call my name
Soon as you find they're all the same
And when you find yourself alone
Don't come back crying
You should have known
Believe me I'm not pretending
It's not hard to predict
This ending now
'Cause I know you'll soon discover
You're needing me in spite of all the others


Maybe now you just can't conceive
That there'll ever come a time when you're cold and lonely
Baby, how could you ever believe
That another could replace me
The one and only
But when your down
In your time of need
And you're thinking that you
Might be coming back to own me
Just think again 'cause
I won't need your love anymore!

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